LIFE STARTS AGAIN

Well life has had its ups and downs. I mean I didn't see myself living in sacramento. i have been slacking on this whole journaling thing. soon to come whoever is reading this if its anyone at all just pray for me.

:(

i think i am going to follow the hype and see whats on the other ide known as tumblr sorry folks i am pretty sure noone read this things anyways to those who do i thank you you mean alot to me.

life ending

well as the semester is winding down i am realizing that my friends are leaving to their other lives and will never be able to see me again. i mean there is always those that live near me and drive up to hang out but most of the time just as you have a sickness one thing is always for certain, it will pass. I am just glad that my walk with Him has been strengthened so much this semester and I know that He will always be there for me no matter what I do. but to know that the people that you grew so close with and you always hung around won't be there when you go back is very discouraging. sitting in the sun with Brittney gluing stuff to our computers and making arts out of nothing. it was great while it lasted i guess, i would never want it to end though, i hated the fact i really couldn't talk to a friend anymore i have now realized the mere fact that you can't hang out with someone makes you want to hang out with them even more. so it was hard to say good bye to everyone knowing that they would never show up again. it was the place for me at least where i could escape reality and try to find myself in all the crap that is the world. well i am back at square one we will see how the break goes.

life?

What is life to those that have a great one?
Those that everything goes great to them they never think about it. They just accept it. Its those that are always hit with struggles and trial that really start to see the meaning of life.
Those that get all that they want why do they still have an empty feeling in their life?
If there was no struggle in life, life itself would end up in a monotonous cycle of things resulting in the same feeling day after day. NO WONDER SUCIDE IS SO HIGH.
People go to the extremes to release this monotonous feelings, the earth now and always has been full of such shit its scary.
I have realized this and now that I know the truth of living such a great life with all the crap that goes on into the world, its so strange to me that people don't accept it with the first hearing of it. They have to question everything why , because they are living in the dark and they don't want there dirty deeds to be exposed.

dream girl?

Many people think of the girl or the guy that they think will be perfect for them. This puzzles me How can I know who will be the best person for me to spend the rest of my life with? I  know that I can't even decide what I shoiuld do on a day to day basis, I can't prioitize what I should Do.How can I Know who will be the best for me for the rest of my life. I know one thing that I don't want to follow the crowd in the area of marriage, always endingin divorce or fighting all the time. This is why I have been waiting patiently in this romantic atomsphere of Love and marriage is as common as the sunshine that falls on us daily. 

Now I have entertained my thoughts with this worldly idea. I hate that I have fallen so easily in this trap to entertain my mind with these thoughts is so sinful its disgusting. I am try to learn and have discernment with the help of the Lord of course to know when to pursue the girl that he puts in my life for that reason. I am so sick of ruining friendship and being rejected I know that guys are supposed to be tough and rigid but thats just an outer shell that I put on so that everything seems ok. I have been becoming  more soft though through the God of the word because He is softening me to be able to be more compassionate to people and showing them the Love of Christ. I have been rejected so many times it has caused my flesh to always want to draw back when anyones comes close to me. The Lord is stripping me of this slowly though I am getting better though with time. So now I have realized how horrible it is to entertain my mind with things that have been put in my mind by the DEVIL. So now I have failed in my flesh again this semester thinking that she was the one that would be the girl. Let me describe her to you so that you know that it wasn't just her looks but her heart and her personality that I loved the most, her looks just complimented everything that was already great about her. Anyways she is tall and slender and beautiful as of a precious stone that is untouched by the refiners hands. Her creativity and happiness in the Lord  could fuel people for ages. Her heart is so full of the Holy Spirit it encourages me daily. Everytime I see her I am always reminded of the Christ, because only He could make something so unique and beautiful. She Loves to dance, which is how I met her actually, for those of you that don't know me that well. I am not so fond of dancing actually I am really bad. Her blue eyes seem to stare into the deepest parts of my soul and her compassion is deeper than any ocean I know. She has been through alot this past Semester and yet The Lord is still using her daily and she has withheld all those attacks from the enemy. I Like her alot I would say I love her but I am not sure if she feels the same. She seems like she isn't even looking for anything like that right now. I can wait though, that is if I don't kill myself somehow first, for example skating or in a car wreck. I am hoping for neither but to not live long. thats another blog for another time. Just remember this you can never force your will Upon God's it will never work out maybe in the short run but in the Long Run He will get you and get you bad. if your reading this The One i am writing about I am sorry I feel this way towards you, I will try my best not to talk to you and too avoid you at all cost. I feel as if your not ready, as am I, don't worry though you will never hear from me again after this all contact will be lost. If you still want to be my Friend let me know. As of now I am assuming that we aren't you have fun hanging out with your friend and I will see you in heaven. so that is how things went i have lost a great friend again because of stupidity sometimes i wish i didn't have emotions at all. well i guess i will move on and try to keep living all i have to say is that i am sick and tired of burning bridges. it really sucks

new life

So while I  was thinking about everything that has been going on this semester. All the things that I have gone through this semester. It made me think of this verse in  Second Corinthians 5:17-21 " Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,  that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." This is the New King James Version of this verse but it shows to me how great our God is for all my friends that believe in God. I mean I  felt for the longest time as if I was  next to a bomb when it went off , you can't hear your too scared to move so you just stay there knowing that the danger will come again but too scared to do anything. At this point I totally forgot about God at this point, when this happens I believe you become condemned and start listening to false things. That the Devil has put into your mind, its so easily to be drawn away this way, especially stuff that you always struggle with. The Lord is great though because He caused the Bombs to stop enough to the point where He could lead me into His rest and strengthen me so that I could go and fight Him in His strength, Overtime I have been able to slowly battle after battle, I am glad to say that I am doing fine now. Still growing and recovering from all that has happened to me this semester. I have the physical scars to remind me everyday of  the war that I battle everyday. I am just sad for those that I have hurt during this process of growing daily in the Lord. I am so glad though that He has saved me from this and didn't let the warfare take my life. I praise Him daily for that I just want to make sure that everything that I do from now on will speak of His greatness and faithfulness in my life

sewing awesomeness

so the other day when looking on this amazing diy site. for those that don't know that means do it yourself. anyways I found instructions on how to make a Jedi robe. I told my friend because i knew that she would get really excited. So I told her and to my surprise I found out that her birthday was that Friday so I tried my best to make it the best of my ability and gave it to her on Sunday. Pictures will soon follow