warfare

There has been a lot of Spiritual warfare through out this semester. About three weeks ago it hit a climax in the fact that the Devil had great victory in a battle of
My Life. He didn't win the war though because I am still standing here telling you about all the things that happened that night. Well throughout that last week and the week before I started to doubt a lot about everything. Things at home weren't going so well either, I started to notice as well that everyone was so fake here. In Germany if you asked one of the students hey whats up?, they would tell you how everything was going for real. I was starting to not want to do anything especially the thing that my teachers wanted me to do. So through this i started to harden my heart and not do anything with the word, or prayer. I stopped reading and praying always isolating my self because I believed the Lies of the Devil, that I wasn't worthy to do anything to talk to anyone. I really thought about dropping this school and getting a job until the semester had ended. So yea this what was going on through my head for two weeks, I tried to pray but always felt like something was wrong not knowing that was Satan deceiving me. So after awhile I totally gave in to it. It was a Monday night I remember being really mad at the fact that I didn't do much that day and now I had to go to class. I just remember taken a screw out of my pencil sharpener and i held it in my hand. Then like it was second nature I remember i was sitting in the front row and I took that razor and just started to run it up and down my leg. Before I could stop in my consciousness the Demons had influence over me and I went crazy, i remember bits and scenes from a movie that's really scratched and you can't see the whole thing but you can get the general idea. I just remember after it had all happened my arms were bleeding really really bad and so were my hands and legs. I can still see the blood drops of when it happened and I didn't stop the bleeding. Now though I have seen what happens when the demons try to take hold of your life. The next day I had to see Jason Cunningham and he made it very clear that I didn't have a faith based on the Bible but on How I felt everyday. So I have grown a lot from this experience but I have to always have to see the scars and tell people lies. So that i won't stumble those who struggle with this and for those that would freak out and not talk to me anymore because you think I am crazy. so that's it. I have been growing daily from this, because I now have a faith that is based on Fact.